Monday, 10 February 2014


How not to make mistakes

Vol 23 Open letter to Ann Summers

 

Dear Miss,

Regarding my visit to Ann Summers today.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for your professionalism but, as the transaction process has left me somewhat traumatised, without wanting to dig myself into an even deeper hole, I would like to correct some issues that might have left you with an unfortunately unsavoury impression of my character.

Can I just clarify then, that when I mentioned that it was just me and the dog, I meant at home during the day, and not that we were somehow engaged in an inter-species partnership.

Thank you for bringing me up to the minute with recent advances in technology but can I request that if, in future, you feel the need to place a small item of gadgetry into my palm before going for a wander round the batteries, if you're disinclined to elaborate on the reversal procedure, please don’t switch it on.

Also, when you sweetly enquired at the till (where I was making, if you remember, my purchase of heart shaped Valentine’s chocolates), whether I required any hygiene wipes and I replied that I had absolutely bucket loads of them already, I was remembering your colleague’s (years and years ago) look of revulsion when I'd previously declined, and was at pains to assure you that I am indeed most hygienic. 
Finally, I really meant rather to convey the sense of an expert when I flippantly added that I was a professional.

Best regards,

W. Hickinson

P.S. if you should bump into any colleagues from Marks’s around the corner on your break, please apologise to them for my belatedly horrified hysterics within.