Thursday, 13 February 2014


Vol 26 Camelot

This mistake happened in the days before health and safety became a national preoccupation, circa 1989 possibly, so there’s not much chance of you repeating it.

Like most people, back in the day we were pretty poor so this was, for the four of us, a rare day out perhaps prompted by a tax rebate to Camelot, Chorley’s newly erected theme park.  If you haven’t been, that's a shame, it's closed.

Anyway, here we were on a bright, fresh, spring day making our way over, past the jousting arena and chair-o-planes to a circus-tent style construction, to join a small crowd awaiting the next showing of whatever-it-was-on-offer having never encountered Imax and its ilk before. 

After shuffling in to the floor area (no handrails, seats or anything, remember we’re still pre H & S) we parked the buggy and toddler and, since our eight year old elected to stand disowningly four feet behind, selected the exact centre from which, naturally, to enjoy the very  best view.

Occupying everything including our peripheral vision was an enormous screen onto which was projected a massively exciting and convincing adventure.  In otherwise total blackness, we clutched each other as we rode in turn a helicopter phew phew phewing over snow bedecked mountains, a speedboat leaping and plunging its way through colossal waves,  a getaway car screeching and handbrake turning up and down dustbinned streets and abandoned warehouses before finally a runaway train hurtling impossibly, alarmingly toward a solid brick wall …. and suddenly


the projection stopped, the lights came on

to reveal to the astonished crowd, two people sent flat on their backs having narrowly escaped being dashed into a brick wall prompting no. 1 son to shriek, not for the first time, “Oh my God, you two are SO embarrassing!”